Power-Play

How many of our actions
are the products of our innate
compassion, love and care
for others,
rather than the results of
the never-ceasing power-play
that we engage with one another?

I want
to leave a good impression,
to feel superior,
to make you feel indebted,
to feel accountable to my perfect image of myself...

It is hard... to delve past all the conflicting emotions,
to pierce through all the clouded feelings,
into the true motives of my actions.

It is difficult,
painful,
to accept this selfish, self-serving Me,
because I try, so hard,
to convince myself of a better Me.

To hide my true intents,
to deny the way that I react,
is but a meaningless rejection of myself.

It is true, that to persist in selfishness,
is but a sinking into deeper mud,
the dirty soil of human sin that threatens
to drive away acceptance of normal people-
the normality of presenting a smiling facade
of hidden daggers and elusive intents,
striving to preserve outward congeniality,
yet ever so frustrated by a lack of mutual understanding-

I wonder why no one understands me,
yet it is I who try so desperately to hide from others;
so I don't blame the world, unless I learn start accepting myself
for who I truly am,
an imperfect soul with holes of sin,
seeking to veil myself,
with robes stained with innocent blood-
from the wounds I inflict in order
to rise in power-play.

A collection of good-will-
there is nothing wrong, nothing sinful-
who does not covet,
an easy life of continous favours and showers
of beaming smiles that threaten to blind with their
glaring intensity?
But beware of the price of earning-
yes, earning,
those smirks of smug benevolence;
ever, to be fully truthful to yourself
of what you do or say,
and if the betterment of yourself,
comes at the expense of another's wounded dignity.