You lift my Soul

I plunge from the edge of steep canyons,
only to be borne gently through the air.
I dive headlong into salty oceans,
only to feel soothing currents sweeping me on.

There is nothing that i don't dare,
nothing that i am afraid of,
because You are with me-
there is no place You have not been, nothing You do not know.

I feel You in my mind,
You are the atoms of my body,
the coursing of my blood,
the essence of my soul.

You are in my every movement,
my every thought- there is nothing You cannot foresee.
How I long to feel the exhilaration of flight,
with snow white wings like a dove's!

How I long to see pearly clouds that swirl me by,
to hear the sweet strum of heavenly harps,
to taste the honey of endless meadows,
and feel the comfort of a Father's loving arms.

30th july 2006

ok, ok, i know i haven updated in like decades. Ha, so i'm lazy, wad else's new?

Anyways, just to update, i've sort of confirmed my composition- a thousand thanks to yy;p, and hopefully, i'll be able to start cutting the lino soon. And, i've decided to be happy, and stay that way despite anything that happens- i've yet to not weather anything out, so why give myself so much stress? hahaz. Hey wait, maybe i need it, he sense of urgency is... well, not there. Hopefully, i'll feel as focused as today everyday, so jia you!

My Secret Dream

When I was young,
when naivete was pardoned,
I told my obliging mother,
that I wanted to keep a star.

I said," Look, Mummy,
they're so shiny and pretty!"
And my mother said with a smile,
'Yes, just like diamonds.'

When I was a little older,
and a little more realistic,
I confided to my best friend,
that I wanted to live in the clouds.

I said," Look,
the clouds are so dreamy and soft!"
And my best friend agreed enthusiastically,
'Yes, it's just like being on a plane.'

When I got yet older now,
and saw too much of the world,
I never did make more unachievable goals,
nor did I forget them.

I said to myself," Look,
the diamond on my ring shines more constant than the star,
and sitting on a plane is drier than living in the clouds,
with the same view to boot!"

I laughed at my childhood aspirations,
with a tinge of bitterness that I never noticed,
until I realised that compromise was never as
Satisfying, as the real thing.

But I suppose there was never more purpose in dreaming,
because the dream was impossible, or close to.
So now I look out the large glass window every night,
gazing at the stars I can never reach.

I peer at blue skies in the day,
accessing the clouds like a property agent.
There was never much joy in having dreams fulfilled,
for there would be new desires, and more corrupt wishes.

It is the Hope that I enjoyed,
and the mystery of having a secret dream.
And now that I have already fulfilled that,
I should have no reason to desire more.

20 July 2006

Glimpses of You

The thin wispery mist
veils your face like gauze;
It obscures my view,
who are you?

The cold wind
turns your face pale and blue;
I smell the tang of sea-blown hair,
do you know the lady of the Sea?

You melt away from my sight,
receding into cool waters;
I try to follow,
but fear keeps me back.

You beckon with your white scarf
which floats through the air like a ragged flag;
do you wish for me to see all of you,
when you try so hard to hide in moist and mist?

Or do you wish to be remembered,
haunting my mind with fleeting glimpses,
leading me closer with your soft song,
dissipating into cloud as they die slowly away?

16 July 2006

I do believe that my blog is really rotting away, the number of times i'm posting. It's partly to show yong hong that a person can CHOOSE not to touch the computer at all if she wants, and partly, well, it's been a hectic week. Next week is going to be worse, so i'll be thankful for the time i have left to relax(not much though, haf to gan prep).

Btw, yesterday was the most fun ever, it's our first shopping trip man, and how did u guys like the opera gallery? Must extend my deepest apologies to wei lian here for such a rushed dinner, i'll make it up to you somehow! And to my greatest bro, Pirates was fantastic! On a side note, thanx for footing the bill- sat not cheap;p

Yeps, thnk i'll go work more on my prep, going to church later for the first time in 3 weeks, argh, feel so sinful.... but will jia you de!

Hope for Your Presence

There was a girl
who sat, day and night,
at her tall glass window,
gazing at the grey, cobbled streets below.

There was a woman
who stood, through all weathers,
at her lofty balcony,
staring at the rugged path that disappeared round the corner.

There was an old lady
who leant, whenever she could,
against her long ebony cane,
willing the sound of footsteps to her lonely door.

There was only waiting,
a longing for someone to arrive
to whisk them from their stagnant state
into Life in the sun.

There was a cold affirmation
of their desire being one day assuaged,
that drew them to look, a search
that would lead them to blessed warmth, and more.

6 July 2006

I think the worst state of life is that of hope being crushed, that utter knowledge that your desire is not and will never be possible. Hope... what does it entail? A wish... a dream... something that is dear to you? There is so much that we don't know, that can go wrong. So many different possibilities and outcomes, so little of which we can control. So does it make it right for us to pursue what we want? Just because our inclinations draw us on that path? What is right, and what wrong? Or is life just full of wants, desires and dislikes, and justice is just a nice name for what the majority wishes?

alot of nothing, and alot of thanks;p

The exams are just over, Yipee! hahaz.. I smell mould on my blog, how weird is that....

Feeling beta after the headache, popped panadol and guess wad, it works, hahaz, so i'm as good as new, or almost. Wonder why I go through every paper 2 feeling sick, must be stress.

So here i am, crapping about myself and feeling at peace... as if.

Ya, i feel relieved, but still cant shake the sneaky feeling that i could be doing something constructive.

Like read a book, write a bit of a story, surf net, blog...

I tried the first, rejected the second(dunno where to start, and afraid i'll get caught in writing more than ten pages of rubbish), disliked the third (checked my mail though) and am doing the latter.

so that leaves schoolwork(like coursework- urgh) or comics(so bored of rereading)...

Mind, just let me enjoy the peace of no work, no stress and absolute stoning... great, that sounds negative.

now, for people who are reading this and wondering who kidnapped cui and is writing nonsense on her blog, it's just mi, toking to myself. Think people who know me shouldn't be surprised. I've got my crazy days, you know.

You know! hahaz... I think i'm officially crazy, will attempt to write something worthy of your precious time, sacrificed to read this humble blog... hey, that sounds weird...

ok, here goes:

I think i've been obsessed with flaws, like wondering why people criticize, why people feel negative things, and that we can never truly say how we feel. I mean all this is true, but it just shows how myopic and depressed I am. There shouldn't be a need to think about all these flaws, I mean, I can't change them, and no one dwells on negative feelings all the time, and i certainly don't. When i'm with people, I want them to feel happy being with me, and that gives me the greatest feeling ever.

I really want to thank everyone i noe for withstanding my nonsense(and no, I did not just win an award, thanx;p) and making me feel appreciated. I think it's a miracle to have friends, people who are willing to listen and talk to me, even though they are in no way obligated to do so. To all the people who listen to me rant (on and off this blog), THANK YOU!!!! I really love you all, because you make me feel that my existence means something. No, it's not in a negative way;p Although i might dwell to much in depression and make people who read my stuff sad (I hope not too much though) but I really want to thank u, all of you, for taking the time. Arigatou!!!!