Your Cruel Gentleness

I have sworn
that you would always be
the closest in my heart,
even as your presence
disappears in this world,
leaving only a lingering scent
of wildflowers, sweet and warm.
Yet I have broken this promise,
with the rising of his sun-like presence,
filling me to the brim with joy,
that overflows and pools around me,
a golden liquid path that glints in the light
and leads me to Paradise.
I cannot convince myself
that this love is wrong,
even as your presence diminishes,
a last sweet smile hovering in my dream,
as mist consumes your form.
I no longer see you
as clear as day, your smile as light as spring's breeze.
The cruel gentleness
that your image provides;
the memory that tears into my soul-
it is longed for and yet dreaded,
as elusive as the wind
it comes and goes,
and is yet never truly gone.