Lies

Do not lie with lofty ambitions,
Feeling inflated with self-proclaimed assertions
That you care
for how others fare
That sacrifice is second nature
for you of such exalted stature
Because you cannot make the ultimate
Sacrifice; that to join Hades in Death legitimate.

12 April 2006

Wrote this in reading period today, after reading the article about people messing with nuclear energies. The question was if nuclear energy was a necessary evil. The first thought that popped into my mind was- so what if it is? Sounds callous, especially after the reported deaths of the accident in Cheloyne(did i spell it right?). But knowing that it is evil, so what? People are going to rail and rile all they like, but if something good comes out of it, like humans no longer having to use oil or something as fuel, they're going to shut right up, nod their head and exclaim what a great find that is, and another great milestone in human advancement and yadda...

Speaking of which, do we really mean what we say? or claim to do? or support in the cause of? I think I am a selfish being. I would support what is of most advantage to me, (and to atone for that statement), materially as well as morally speaking. You know those half-hearted attempts at going green, like my impulse to buy green foolscape paper for a few more cents and stuff. It really is a disheartened attempt, can i say that i have the obligation to save the world? just by buying expensive paper while using electricity for every tiny thing in my life? How is that justified as saving the earth? Haz, and while not going all noble about the earth, how about something closer to home, like the words that i say?

Am i living for myself or for other people? I really don't know, because i'm kept so busy that i don't think about it, or don't want to. Until Mr Tong mentioned that he could see our parent's stereotypes printed on us did i realise that i don't know what i want, and that i've lived day by day without knowing it. That i don't know why i felt about some things and in the manner that i did. I admire people who are different, who dare to rebel, because they dare to show how they feel, and they dare to be someone i can never be.

Depressing, isn't it? Now i'm thinking of being like other people when i say i want to be myself. How convoluted is that? Haiz. Maybe it's because it's after paper 3 and i'm feeling relieved enough to think.

Do i mean what i say? I don't know. Maybe it's those things that i blurt out unknowingly, when i'm being lame wif the aep people, or sometimes wif wh and xx. Maybe i'm essentially a lamer, but i always thought i was solemn and responsible. I guess this entry is a plea for self discovery, and maybe the people who know me can gif me some comments, no matter how bad they are, just be truthful. I want to know who i am, and i don't think i'm coherent enough to find out for myself.