Why Try?

'Do you know how a heart can break, when love has flown?' -lyrics from Swan

Tell me,
if there ever would
be a day
when i do not want
more than i have,
or more than i can take.

Tell me,
why i am selfish
why there exists
nothing good i have
in excess
to satisfy me.

Tell me,
why i try so hard
to be different
to be better
the best
even if i'm unhappy.

Yet tell me,
even if I know
why the paradox exists
for i need to know
that i'm not alone
in utter misery.

06 April 2006

dots... feeling sian today, partly because my gp paper doesn't seem to be marked sufficiently, like it was just a cursory attempt to churn out the marks for record. I'm sure i did my very best, and yet i got the same marks as a dozen other people, when i'm sure our essays are each individuals in their own rights. I feel slighted by the careless way of grading- are our essays only just for that glaring red numerals on the page? Are our ideas not taken into account, but fit only for a glance and then to fit a number to our name?! Goodness, and they keep saying that it's not all about marks, when their attitudes to our paper are like that.

I guess what i'm angry about is not the grade, but the lack of explanation about why and how i landed in that grade. There were only a few ticks at the bottom of each paragraph, and there were at least a few ideas in each paragraph. I don't believe that the teacher can just mark each paper on a general impression of how well we did, without making some reference on the paper and refering back to the points we made. If we are thus classified into broad categories where are marks are so commonly similar, i don't see the point in putting in my best for each paper, i really don't.

I guess i'm ranting,but i really need to get the unhealthy burden off my chest. Apologies to whoever that's getting an eye-searing experience reading this, but i really wanna kill something, and make sure it dies that way.